I am Sallie Mae's ho.

You know what woman I really hate? Sallie Mae. The bitch is one conniving ho. When I was a young and dumb freshman, my only thoughts were what I had to do to make it through the year and then make it three more years til graduation.  I couldn’t even envision making it through the week, much less through graduation.

So spring semester of my freshmen year, my financial aid comes crashing down. I need a savior and fast. So Sallie Mae comes riding in on her white horse and suddenly I can breathe again. I spent a tense two days envisioning myself as a college dropout  working at McDonalds ad having to resort to hooking up with the greasy manager to bring home enough money to keep my cable so that I could at least  find solace in the high living real housewives ladies on Bravo. But then the magical people at Sallie Mae called me with the joyous news that I was approved.

“Congratulations, you will now become Sallie Mae’s ho.” So with that wonderful phone call, I now had to beef up my repertoire of tricks to keep my pimp satisfied. For 3.5 years Sallie Mae lavished me with her money and graciously allowed me to pursue and finish my degree. However on graduation day she abruptly changed her attitude. It was no longer warm and fuzzy. I now belonged to her and each day the amount at the bottom of the page got bigger with interest added on from the day before.

Six months after graduation I officially became Sallie Mae’s ho. It really didn’t matter if I had a job, or was even able to use my degree, all that mattered is that I had signed my soul away and had a long wait to get it back.  I was going to be turning tricks for Sallie Mae for a long time.

Sallie Mae appeared when I needed her the most and she saved the day. Little did I know the steep price I would have to pay. So four years later, it leaves me with the question : “Is my college degree worth being Sallie Mae’s ho? And the answer is, I really don’t think so.”

One of these days  I am actually going to look at the amount I owe and how little I have paid on it, but I am going to save that day for when I need to get sick in order to fit into a two sizes to small dress