Childless by Choice.

So this is a subject that is always on my mind but I can never quite seem to get all my thoughts out. So, I am going to try again.

I come from a rather nice sized family. Four kids and two parents.  There was always someone to entertain me. And there was always someone bothering me. But four kids seemed like the perfect number.  There were always enough playmates to go around.

However, I honestly have no desire to have children of my own. Now, everyone says that I will change my mind, or they think I had a bad experience with my siblings. Neither of those opinions are correct. I am simple selfish. I really enjoy living my life without having to consider anyone else. Of course I consider Clint, but he is a grown man and is not as needy as a small child. I can leave Clint for three hours to go on a long run. But if I have a two year old, I either need a babysitter or I will be taking a much shorter run.

I feel like I am mature enough to know that I am not ready for that. I am completely aware that accidents happen. Leisel, my youngest sister is a prime example of a “mistake.” How my parents managed to muster up the energy to deal with her after the three of us got done with them, I will never know. Although my parents’ exhaustion with child raising is probably part of the reason Leisel is allowed free reign and therefore frequently just does whatever she feels like without worry of the consequence. I tell you what, I would have loved for some room to breathe when I was her age, much less the freedom to come and go as I please. All I ever heard was “It’s my house, so you follow my rules.”  I usually followed that comment with a very dramatic eye roll which would earn me a week or two grounding from my only tie to the civilized world – the phone.

So just because I don’t want to spend all my energy and resources raising a zoo, does not mean I don’t like children. I do. I find them very refreshing. They aren’t catty and conniving. They don’t go out of their way to play hurtful games. And they are genuinely funny. Kids really do say the darndest things.  I interact with kids on some level almost every single day. But that doesn’t mean I want any of my own.

I enjoy going home and vegging out on reality TV. When I watch my god kids, even though their bedtime is at 8 o’clock, I usually don’t get to sit through a full episode of mindless entertainment until after 9. I also enjoy being able to eat my meals without having to prep the food for others as I go. I don’t have to cut up anyone’s food, pick out the veggies or get up for countless drink refills. I now know why my mother was so thin.  You never get to overindulge at a meal because you are lucky that you even get to take five bites. However I can totally understand why you never hear a parent say, “I don’t drink” or “No thanks, I won’t have a beer/glass of wine/whole bottle of vodka.” I do believe that after a particularly trying day of parenting, life looks better through beer goggles.

But as far as Clint and I go, we are childless for time being. And will remain that way for the foreseeable future. We both enjoy babysitting, and hanging out with other people’s kids. But at the end of the day, we enjoy our very independent routine. We can lay in bed together on a Sunday afternoon and nap and read the news. We can go away for the weekend and not have to worry about disrupting anyone’s schedule. We can work late, go in early and do just about whatever we need or want to and it doesn’t affect anyone but us.  I can hear people calling us selfish. But honestly, aren’t we the exact opposite of selfish? We know that right now we would not make the best parents in the world, so we are not actively trying to have children who didn’t ask to be born. I think the people who are selfish are the ones who want a baby so badly that they overlook the fact that their lifestyle might not be conducive to raising a child.  We have some acquaintances who travel so frequently for both of their jobs that they only see their seven year old daughter one week out of the month. And during that week they see so many of their adult friends that their daughter gets squeezed in when she can.  And let me tell you it shows. Their little girl is whiney and clingy and very anti-social. She would rather sit in her room by herself then engage in a play date.  She is very non-verbal and hard to engage. But the most telling of all was when I read her a good night story about a little girl whose  dad takes her to the playground. She said : “My parents never play with me. They are too busy.” Out of the mouths of babes.

So even though one day Clint and I might change our minds, we enjoy our work hard play hard life. And we know that in order to have healthy, happy, well adjusted kids, something would have to change.  So our immediate plan is  to continue bonding as a couple, participate in the occasional “what if we had a baby” fantasy. And give ourselves plenty of time as a couple before becoming mom and dad.