Real Life Nanny Diaries

I nannied and watched children all through my high school and college years. And I learned more from watching other people’s children then I ever did sitting in class room.  Over the years I have cared children of close to fifty different families. Now with some of these families I only cared for their children a handful of times, but for a lot of the families, I was a repeat caregiver for at least a period of months.

I think there is nothing wrong with hiring a nanny. In fact, if you research and find a nanny you can trust, it is probably a better option than traditional daycare. But it amazes me how slack some families are at choosing the person who is solely responsible for the welfare of their children while they are away.

These are some of my favorite things parents overlook:

1. References. I could tell you I was freaking Mary Poppins, and every child I ever watched had the best time, and you would never know if I was telling the truth or not unless you spoke with my references. You have to call a potential nanny’s references so that you can find out why they left, if there were any red flags, and what their general childcare philosophy and tactics are.  A strict nanny does not mix well with more laid back parents.
2. Background check. Again, I could tell you I was Mary Poppins and you would have no way of proving I wasn’t unless you ran a background check on me. Sure I am lovely and charming and play great with the kids. But you find out I have 2 DUIS, identity fraud and burglary. Still want me watching you kids? Fifteen dollars helps filter who watches your kids and helps prevent headaches and heartbreaks.
3. Experience. You can’t hire someone to be a nanny for your four kids when they have never worked around kids and are only doing this because they think it is easy money. Caring for infants and young children is especially taxing and requires skill and patience. Leaving your baby with someone who has never changed a diaper, much less gotten CPR certified is asking for an accident.
4. Bad habits. You overlook smoke on a nanny’s clothes because she is a bargain, or because she always shows up on time and never calls out sick. But, is it worth the fact that she might be smoking around your kids? 

 

I also have some favorites about the things the parents do. Most of the time the kids are cute and sweet and actually are fun to be around. It is the parents that are a nightmare.

 

1. Leave memorabilia  around or proudly showcase your weird sexual exploits. I don’t want to know how many or how often you have visitors in your bedroom. Last time I checked this isn’t a completion. And if you are over 40 and can’t count the number of sexual partners you have had in the past year on two hands, you might need help. Sex is addiction too.
2. Try to discretely hide their drinking. Oh no Mr. Smith, I totally put Vodka in my coffee too. But I only do it on Mondays and it is just a splash, so I can’t be intoxicated. And the parents how obviously arrive home drunk and you realize they drove that way. There is nothing cute about asking your college age babysitter to put you to bed because you drank too much.
3. Call in sick to work because your life is just so stressful. And then ask me to keep the kids quiet and confined to one room because you just need to rest. You then wonder why your boss is questioning you commitment to your job, and you bemoan how you never have enough money because you shop like the malls might close tomorrow forever.
4. Involve me in your “I have my ex” tirade. I am sorry you married an asshole/bitch the first time around. But I don’t have much sympathy for you if you make every person in a 100 mile radius aware of you ex’s shortcomings. I actually probably end pitying your ex and thinking you are a moron. Facebook is not the place to point out the flaws in someone’s character. And since you are the one who married them, it kind of makes you look like a jackass too.
5. Take 3 hour lunch breaks so you can go shopping with your friends, and then call me and tell me you are working till 8. News flash, your kids are sick of me putting them to bed.
6. Feed your kids nothing but junk food and then wonder why they are overweight and can’t concentrate in school.  No it is completely normal to give your kids poptarts and fruit roll ups every morning for breakfast.
7. When you child breaks his third IPod in six months, it is probably time to stop buying him toys on demand.
8. Allowing your young daughter to dress like a whore. A ten year old does not need to wear pants with the word “sexy” written on the ass. She should not be wearing a bathing suit top that is padded to make her look more grown up. And she should not be wearing a skirt that shows her rear end every time she bends over.
9. Hiring me to watch your child while you “work” from home. Sorry moms and dads, but having a nanny while you work from home is extremely difficult. First of all, unless your house is huge, the nanny and child will have to be confined to a small section of the house to keep from disturbing you, or you will have to kick the nanny and child out of the house while you are on important conference calls etc. This is hardly fair to the child. Also, most children want to be with their parents if their parents are at home, so you are asking for some tears and temper tantrums. If you are going to work from home, send your child to daycare. Or work in the garage.

 

Most of the time I really enjoyed caring for the children I watched. And of course I had a few favorites.  I can honestly say that nannying is my favorite job. I love the variety in my day to day routine and I love interacting with children. It is probably the least cynical job I will ever have. If only there was a way to avoid dealing with the problem parents.