Let there be light!

I love tacky Christmas lights. I love them a lot.  If I could cover my whole house and yard with Christmas lights I would. However there are several problems that prevent me from being able to accomplish this. The biggest problem is overcoming Clinton’s objections. He does not see buying Christmas lights and paying for the electricity to use them as the best use of our money. Something about paying for enough electricity to power our house for a year. Personally I just think he is being over dramatic. You only light up the displays at night. So at most that is only 12 hours a day, and that is only for one month. I think he just doesn’t want to be involved in the labor of getting the lights strung up. I am pretty sure I can hear him mumbling something about how being stuck up on a ladder for 8 hours is a surefire way for me to collect on that life insurance payout.

You see it is not enough just to throw some lights on your bushes and trees and call it a day. Oh no you have to actually come up with a design and theme to your light display.  And you need to cover every square inch of you house and  yard. Every visible inch needs to be flashing, blinking or lighting up with Christmas cheer. And don’t think you can scrape by with just doing the front of your house and ignoring the sides. The sides are some prime real estate.  There is also pressure to do it bigger and better then the year before. All this pressure can

In case you were wondering this is how we celebrate Christmas in my neck of the woods.

Your neighbors also contribute to the Christmas light debacle. Because if your neighbors do a big elaborate display, you do not want to be outdone. There is competition and no one likes to lose. And if you don’t decorate at all you look like a Grinch. And no one wants to be known as the Grinch. None of these arguments work on Clinton though. He would rather be known as a Grinch then have an electric bill with three zeros. So in the meantime I have to be content to gawk at other people’s fabulous display and going to target to caress all the many light displays I am not allowed to buy.

This makes me almost as sad as not being able to get my basset hound. I would love to cover every inch of my house and yard in tacky blinking, flashing and mutli-color lights. But sadly Clinton does not view this as the best way to show holiday cheer.