Smurftastic

The dirty little secret that no one tells you about painting is that it is not as easy as it looks. Sure it is only so difficult to paint a small ceramic figurine at those little paint and fire clay shops, keepsake box or some other trinket. But when you attempt to actually paint something that is life size and not easy to maneuver. The tables are turned.

I thought it would be brilliant to buy some unfinished furniture and finish it myself. After reading several blogs on painting, I ought to be an expert. Everything looks so glossy and blemish free, that what could be easier? Spray a couple of coats of paint, followed by a clear glaze, and voila, you have a gorgeous finished product.  Well clearly these step by step videos and blogs do not show how long it took the demonstrators to become adapt at the art of painting.

First there is the whole act of getting the  furniture to a location where the paint will not get on anything worth damaging, and a place where the fumes will not kill your brain cells. Moving furniture from one location to another is not that complicated when there are at least two people doing the moving. Or if you are not easily beaten by five year olds in arm wrestling. My upper body strength or lack thereof, is embarrassing. This complicates moving furniture from one place to another. I am constantly having to place the piece of furniture down, to give my arms a rest. Or risk dropping it on my feet and crushing my toes. So after about 15 minutes I  finally get the furniture to a safe location : my back deck.  My rationale for risking getting spray paint all over the deck is that the wood needs to be re-sealed anyways….this will just prompt me to speed up the process. All though after this painting debacle, I am not sure I ever want to touch anything that requires brushing, spraying or sealing a wooden surface again.

I am finally at the stage where I can shake my paint cans and start spraying. Now I have diligently read the direction that are in size .10 font on the back of the spray can. And I have come to the conclusion that it is probably really not necessary to “vigorously” shake the canister for two minutes.  So I shake the spray paint for a good thirty seconds or until I get bored. Whichever came first. Big mistake. I start to coat the furniture with the paint only to be greeted by a beautiful watery black color. Perhaps I should have followed the suggested time for mixing the paint a bit more closely.

What I thought would take an afternoon has now turned into a two weekend project. And during this time I have gotten to look like a splotchy smurf. I even managed to coat my hair a gorgeous shade of blue. All of this has taught me that when something is expensive to have done by a professional, it is probably because it involves a good bit of attention to detail, and skill. And honestly I don’t have the attention span to become a skilled painter. One coat of paint is about all the interest I have in painting something. When that item requires four to five coats, I start getting pissed off.  Why didn’t anyone prepare me for this?

Also, anytime I see someone use painter’s tape on a commercial. It looks ridiculously easy. How hard can it be to stick some blue tape on a flat surface? The answer is incredibly hard – to get the tape to stick in a straight line anyways.